The Strength and Weakness of the Relationship

In the novel, Lauren and her mother have a differernt sort of relationship. When reading this first part of the book, I thought the relationship was rather unhealthy. The mother seems to feed of of the daughter's sickness, telling her friends about epilepsy and telling them that Van Gogh also had it, glorifying the illness. The mother, who seems so invested in Lauren's health, wasn't even present when her first episode came about. She reads book like The New Cure for Epilepsy but when Lauren comes back for the falling school, the mother "started smoking Kent cigarettes and drinking red wine, and she had less of an interest" in Lauren (Slater 55). In the beginning of the book, the mother is described as being "too big, and occasionally, when the jasmine came on, I would also feel a lightheadedness that made my mother seem even bigger...she higher than a house, all her hair flying" (Slater 5). The mother seems unstable, thus helping to make the relationship unstable. The moment Lauren stops being "a marionette, and even hundreds of miles away it was her huge hand that held me up," the mother loses power (Slater 50). Maybe the relationship is a power struggle between mother and daughter. When Lauren has her episodes at home, she is ten years old and fragile. The mother makes her want to skate. The mother in a way makes her lie. Lauren learns "from my mother I learned that truth is bendable, that what you wish is every bit as real as what you are" (Slater 5). The mother clearly has much impact in the daughter's life and she constantly wants her approval. However, when Lauren comes back from the school, she is stronger. She talks with the salesman about eyebolts and snag hooks and she knows how to fix "the dripping kitchen sink" (Slater 54). She is now stronger then what she was prior to the trip to the school. She no longer has the bruises that symbolizes the fragility of the relationship and the bloody lips that represented power struggle between the mother and the daughter. This relationship is intense in the beginning and it is intense in the end of the section. The scale tips toward the mother in the beginning and then it goes to the daughter. The daughter wants the mother's attention and affection, however she betrays her at the first chance, an initial sign of rebellion. Then, she comes back from the school, and she doen't put as much investment into pleasing her mother. The mother ignores this change in her daughter superficially, but underneath, I believe, she really is hurt and at a loss because the new change of the relationship. The quote, "Her whole life she had fought to stay on the surface of things-to not argue with my father in public, to cover her emotions with a flashy smile-and it showed in her face, where lines of deep fatigue were grooved beneath her makeup" sums up the mother's actions toward her "new" daughter (Slater 56).

Yearning For Another World

A world between dream and reality, a distortable realm that abides and defies logic all at once. That is how I think about this memoir. Slater takes us into this tale of her life that forces the reader to question its plausibility, but also empathize with Lauren herself. She starts off describing her epilepsy and the episodes that she has, but she describes these episodes as worlds that she enters. The Jasmine World, the world where she fell into the water and saw the boy, and I even consider where she imagined falling into the grave one of the worlds. I feel a bit disturbed by the fact that she is turning something negative into this euphoric sensation. However, I believe that she is justified in this conversion. Her mother and her have this strange relationship that I cannot fully understand. It has respect, resentment, love, and other elements that escape me. Yet, the two most prominent underlying elements are love and hate. Lauren seems to want to escape from her mother, but in a metaphorical sense. For example, when the policeman asked Lauren if she had epilepsy, in an attempt to determine if the mother was abusive or not, Lauren was silent. Inside her mind she wanted to give an answer, but she was stricken with ineffability. That hesitation to decide what she wanted, and the overall silence hints at the idea that Lauren wants to be away. This goes for the same with her other epileptic trips, where she experiences a new sensation. Also, I believe she wants to escape from more than just her mother. I believe she wants to escape from her life itself, and the special school she went to proves that. It was a new experience, a happy time in her life. Even in her falling into the grave world, she reminisced about the sisters and nuns greeting her happily as she fell. She saw outstretched arms with hands reaching out to her, but could not find her mother's hand or face. In this instance, I felt that her mother represented her life, her physical one. I am thinking that Lauren wants to escape into her mind, maybe she even wants to escape into her epilepsy. Overall, though, I am starting to think that these epileptic episodes are the physical representation of her wanting to escape.

Memoirs are books and books CAN get away with anything

I don't really take issue with Lauren Slater over the possibility that she's inventing the epilepsy in her "memoir" any more than I took issue with Tim O'Brien or Yann Martel. True, they didn't call their books memoirs, but the principle is the same. Why would an author want to bend the truth in a memoir? For the same reason any author does--to better convey the truth of what they really want to say. Maybe Slater felt like her childhood was similar to being stricken with a disease that both debilitated her and took her to new heights, but just saying 'My childhood could be compared to having a disease' wouldn't exactly get the point across to readers. But claiming she actually has the disease makes the reader see what she's getting at. It's like Dr. Westover says about writing, "Show us, don't tell us." I think it's perfectly acceptable to use that tactic in writing, whether it's a memoir or a novel or whatever. Getting the reader to buy into the story and therefore draw the point out of it more than justifies the need to embellish or even invent the facts and call them "true."

Dysfunctionality

The author, Lauren Slater, of the memoir, Lying, seems to focus her story around her mother and their relationship. Some might argue that her illness takes priority as far as importance goes, but she even says that the illness may or may not even exist. She says it might just be a metaphor, a tool to help her express her tale. I feel like, if you are willing to accept it as a metaphoric tool, her epilepsy is just her way of explaining her relationship with her mother. For example, when her illness leads her to the school in Topeka, Kansas for epilepsy and she is taught how to fall properly, she says that falling the first time felt like it was a betrayal to her mother. Falling doesn't make her feel entirely wrought with guilt though. She becomes addicted to it, because it makes her feel free from her over-controlling mother.

Lauren Slater often hints like this that early on she felt like her mother was the only one who could offer her the affections and comforts that are typically lumped with the idea of a motherly figure. When her father tells her the story about the egg, for instance, she comes to realize that her mother isn't the only one who can console her and give her a sense of comfort. As a whole, I feel like she and her mother share a very dysfunctional relationship, but that she loves her mother and desperately wants to feel more connected to her. She just doesn't know how to go about forging the kind of closeness she craves with the flamboyant woman.

For Thursday

For Thursday, I'll give you a few topics that you can discuss in any way you please. As always, please reference specific passages in your response.

1. Form. One of the questions on your midterm was about literary form and structure. I'm interested in your initial thoughts about the structure of Lying. Some (not all) of the things I notice in this opening section are an introduction by a Professor of Philosophy named Hayward Krieger, a quoted excerpt from a textbook on childhood seizures, a book that appears to be divided into four sections that correspond with the four stages of a grand mal seizure, an opening chapter that consists of only two words, and titled chapters.

2. Mother/Daughter Relationship. Much of the text thus far focuses on the relationship between Lauren and her mother. I am very interested in hearing what you think about this relationship. Among other things, you might (but are not required to) discuss how it relates to what we are learning about Lauren's illness. 

3. Memoir. A memoir is "an autobiography or other historical account based on personal experience and observation, written by a person having intimate knowledge of events." It is classified as nonfiction. We have discussed "truth" in many different ways, but we have discussed it primarily in the context of fiction. What about nonfiction? Read this short article from the British newspaper The Guardian about the controversy surrounding the memoir Running with Scissors, by Augusten Burroughs. In the article, the author argues that "Memoirs will get away with whatever they can." But if you read the first several comments by readers of the article, you will see that many of them take issue with the fact that a memoir can "get away" with anything. And I suppose an important question is this: why would an author want to bend truth in a memoir anyway?

See you on Thursday. 

Library Training

Just in case anyone needs a reminder, today we are in room 309 in the library. We are having research training. See you there!

Talk about issues!

I went into the book "Lying" looking for the lies. The question I keep asking myself is, "If the Epilepsy is not real than what does it represent?" At this point I have no idea how to answer that question. In fact, I am almost convinced that she really does have the illness. So far, I think the Lying is what she tells herself throughout her experience with growing up, dealing with her mom, dad and the illness. I base all this on the last few pages of chapter 3 where she tells us what happened at the grave sight, than tells us it didn't really happen but rather it is what she wanted to happen. She learned how to fall from the illness, so she wanted to fall so that she could be free. Lauren says, "The falling skill was widely generalizable, that I would be able to use it for years to come, use it in love, use it in fear, use it in hope". (55) she has learned a lesson, not about falling, but that she could trust herself to get up again, and do things on her own. She gained confidence. This skill she learned she can now apply to the rest of her life. she can now trust that if she breaks away from her need for her mom's approval she will be OK. Once she was able to do so, she was free.